Me Too

You are a pariah. You are contemptible. You are outside the circle of the grace. You have missed the elegance of being bless. These words are too often thrown around. Society is telling us who deserves second chances, who is worthy of the kind of love we all crave. When you hear these things enough, they become your inner monologue: “I will always be on the outside looking in.” Like how Estelle longs for a mirror and found it in Inez’s eyes. And which Nietzsche loathe of by proclaiming that “it is too difficult to live with people because it is too difficult to be silent.” But who are we in that crowd with the bleeding woman? Are we the people ushering the crowd away, never looking down at those who might distract us from our blessings? Or are we the woman, desperately trying to cling to any sort of hope that one day it will get better? We are both. We are all of them, at some point in our lives, and we are always striving to be the one in the midst of it all: the written religious history told us that Jesus was surrounded by many, yet was drawn to the one who had been invisible for years. And the Catholics romanticized this, telling we catch glimpses of this around us: a teenager defending a classmate who others have shunned, a farmer who tirelessly sowing seeds in a dried field, and in the image of a poet of an unrequited love. Thus, there are times that we are convinced in the Christian teaching that we should live Jesus in our hearts. But, be it a Christian, a Muslim or even a Zarathustra’s way, all of these can be sum up into one idea—we all want belongingness. Rarely, we can feel this even if Facebook, Twitter and other social networking sites exist. Appreciation is just a bonus. It is beautiful scenery when someone is taking time to sit and hear the story of a homeless person. And it is a wonderful experience when there is a person brave enough to say the words we so often ache to hear: me too…

 

 

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ispageti

Nagluto ka na nga ng ispageti

naghahangad mabusog at ang kalusugan ni

Totoy, sinandok at isinubo mo pa,

Samantalang si totoy wala

pa lang balak kumaen at

tumitikim lang pala, mi hindi

pa nagawang mapasalamat ng loko.

Kitang-kita mo na umaawit

ng kasinungalingan ang labing namumula

sa sauce ng ispageti, natilamsikan

pa ang paborito mong saya

leche nagmantsa, at hindi

man lang nagawang humingi ng dispensa.

Gagawan mo pa sana siya ng disenteng tula,

ngunit nang makita mo ang maduduming kubyertos

at bandehado ng tirang ispageti,

Kembular,

Leche,

Putaragis,

Putangina naman magliligpit ka pa pala.

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SHIT HAPPENS!

The impeachment trial goes on, the bar results were out, the Ash Wednesday have passed, the electric bills continue to costs each of us increasingly, and my taxi bill is counting…

SHIT HAPPENS.

Last days, it was hard for me. And today it’s still the same. But I don’t care anymore, like what if I don’t know this or that? It won’t make me less a man but more human. I am no God, I need people around me who can suffice my lacks. I am weak, indeed. I need the “others” who knows how to enjoy the supremacy over my weaknesses. But I don’t need those who are talking like a god, telling what is wrong with you, good at complaining, castigating your personality and yet in themselves they are nothing but a man of ALL-TALK. I realized, while walking on a street I was not familiar with and hoping not to get lost, I had enough of them. But they have the privilege to rant and fret just like what I am doing right now. Their “blessed” thoughts are valuable as much as Sartre’s notions. Let them articulate and I have to listen to them. I, instead, should always keep in mind that SHITS are everywhere (inescapable) and as a rational man what is most likely expected to do is not to step on SHITS—it  would do no good to both of us; If you step on a shit you would just destroyed it and make yourself dirty as well. Leave them as it is, and let the nature solve the issues of the poops.

O kaya ganito:

-Hoy Tao! Sabi ng Tae.

Nagulat si Tao at napa-atras nang makita si Tae.

-Subukan mo akong tapakan at ikaw rin ang magsisisi, ani ni Tae.

Maingat na naglakad si Tao ngunit hindi inaasahang natapakan pa rin niya si Tae.

-SHIT! Bulalas ni Tao.

Nilinis ang talampakang nabahiran ng dumi.

Ang tunay na Tao lilinisin DAW ang naka-kalat na Tae.

Ngunit sa palagay ko ay hindi tama, hangga’t hindi naman nagmula sa iyo ang dumi.

MIND YOUR OWN SHIT!

Isa pa, bakit ko lilinisin ang Tae kung may ibang nilalalang na nakikinabang dito,

ang langaw halimbawa.

Aso rin pala minsan.

Ngunit tandaan mo Tao tayo at hindi langaw;

Langaw lang ang tumatangkilik sa Tae,

kaya sa ayaw at gusto natin, kapag may pagkakataon, nililigpit natin ang dumi.

Ikalawa, sa totoong buhay masarap maglabas ng SHIT,

Pero kapag nakita mo na, nakakainis diba?

Kaya nga may konsepto ng “flush” ‘wag kang mag-alala.

Ikatlo, SHITS ARE EVERYWHERE!

Hindi ka man maka-apak ng Tae ng aso, pusa, kalabaw o ng Tao

Sa lahat ng pagkakataon maari kang mahulugan

ng Tae ng butiki sa kisame o ibon na nasa puno.

Ang kalikasan ang nagtatakda ng SHITS na ito,

Mahirap labanan ang likha ng kalikasan,

SHIT HAPPENS…

–Hoy Tae!

 

(Thoughts while on a cab from Megamall to Strata 2000, Ortigas and my taxi bill is worth P157.50. SHIT HAPPENS!)

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Random thoughts as train travels

I always believe that friends do come and go. It is a natural phenomenon and sometimes a necessity as one takes his flight, progressively, off to some unknown pavements. In one way or another, one will be left behind. Tragic it may be but dear companions must part ways, in time, and I should take it easy just like how people at train station scattered hurriedly making their own steps headed to relative destinations as they take off. Despite all, I would never forget and hold on to the idea that at certain moment we happened to share the same route. Thus, “be well”, I said instead of byes, for want of anything less inappropriate to say.

***

Recently, my mobile inbox has been flooded by text messages from my previous co-workers. Well, they are my friends more than job companions. They were asking if I could at least pay a visit to their office so we can have some chat which I usually answered with a “maybe”, “I’ll try” or “I am sorry for I am tired or busy”. I don’t like to sound so like a V.I.P. hence, notwithstanding my tiredness this day, before arriving at Santolan MRT station I decided to make a drop by at my previous workplace. With a box of donuts in my hand and a smile on my face I pushed the doorbell and waited for someone to open the door. Then, a familiar face came next to the impassive closed door and greeted me by a hug. And I felt so welcome. Taps, hugs, laughter, banters, rants and gushes were shared over a cup of coffee and donuts. I am constantly afraid to the idea of going back. I hold on to things too much and when it comes to letting go I let go things profligately as well. I am too emotional when it comes to reminiscing and putting broken pieces together. It is always hard for me to backtrack, I’d rather move forward aimlessly. But these people made me reconsider my thoughts. It’s great to go back even to a place that reminds you a great deal of pain because it reminds you as well the things and people that help you overcome the agony. The people who listened to you, who comforted you, who laughed at your melancholy and most of all who believe in you in times that you yourself is losing faith in your very self. One can never literally go back but one can at least make the others feel that they are not forgotten.

NP: Never gonna leave this bed by M5

#unfinished

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To “Patatas”

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Doing some goods and lot of bads

Today PAGASA-DOST declares that the weather would be a moderate to heavy rain. I think the Arroyo camp is wishing for the same weather for tomorrow so they could find another excuse so CGMA not to transfer yet at VMMC. And I don’t know why Mario Maurer’s birthday is trending in Philippines Twitter and not in Thailand Twitter trends.  Is Piolo Pascual going out in media today? Everyone is after that.

***

Kahapon naging maganda ang panahon, may konting ambon ngunit hindi nauwi sa ulan at nagkaroon kami ng pagkakataon para makapag-pinta ng maayos para sa ginagawang palaruan sa Philippine Childrens Medical Center. Minsan sa buhay ko, tinanong ko kung bakit ko kailangan gawin ang mga bagay tulad nito; eh hindi ko naman kaanu-anu ang mga taga-PCMC, partikular ang mga batang me sakit doon. Wala akong pasok at noong mga nakaraang araw pagod ako, dapat ay nanatili na lamang ako sa bahay at natulog. Pero pinili ko pa ring pumunta at tumulong kasama ang aking mga kaibigan. At ang sagot, ito kasi ang nararapat gawin. Hindi ako nagpapaka-dakila at wala akong balak maging isang dakila. Hangga’t maari ayoko nang nahihirapan ang sarili ko. Pero kung may pwede akong magawang tama ito ay ang tumulong sa abot ng aking makakaya. Maliit na bagay lamang ang nagawa ko kahapon kumpara sa mga doktor na nakapag-ligtas ng maraming buhay at mga sundalong nagbuwis ng buhay.

Hangad ko ang paggaling ng mga batang lumalaban para sakanilang karamdaman sa PCMC at nawa ay dumating na ang araw na kayo ay tuluyang maging malusog at masaya sa buhay.

***

Almost 30 minutes. My mom talked to me. A very short conversation. Few words were spoken but she never failed to ask “How are you today?” which I usually answer by a hug.

***

They smoke at a public park as they sat on a bench under the tree while their favorite music plays to illuminate a blissful milieu. Timeless. Priceless. They babble about their dreams their wants and things they dislikes. They laughed. There were moments that their eyes showed some waters about to fall but they don’t mind. There were moments of silence but they both knew they were not alone—never will be for they have each other.

Let’s be friends for the rest of our lives Patricia Mae Insigne.

***

Dear Mr. Architect,

I am numb like a blank canvass. Without my permission, you came voluntarily, and you tried to paint. I am sorry for I still see no colors. So, before your brushes get dry and I don’t want your hands to get tired—STOP. Please…

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A Week Before Mine

One: You better lose yourself in the music,

 the moment you own it, you better never let it go.

You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow

This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

*Remembering N.A.J.B., R.I.P. my friend: Losing a friend at your teenage years will surely make a scar in one’s heart. But thanks to that event for I have learned that FRIENDS DO REALLY COME AND GO. Literally. Take that IDEALISM!

Two: 15 I’m all right with you

15, there’s never a wish better than this

When you only got 100 years to live

*Cheers for 15 years of friendship and counting!!! For better or for worst, for the coming babies and lovers, for accepting the vice me, let me extend my deepest gratitude my friends. (MANOKS) Let’s be friends FOREVER: Pam, Jhun, Enz, Renz and Vinoy! Take that METAPHYSICS!

Three: Yeah, It’s been a ride…

I guess I had to go to that place to get to this one

Now some of you might still be in that place

If you’re trying to get out, just follow me

I’ll get you there

*The return of the ever loved Parish Priest of our Church, my mentor Fr. R. “Wherever you wander, wherever you roam, be healthy, be happy and don’t you ever forget to come back home.” Take that LOITERS!

Five-Six: This one’s for you and me living out our dreams

We’re all right where we should be

With my arms out wide, I open my eyes and now all I wanna see

Is a sky full of lighters, a sky full of lighters

*P.I. taught me how to be happy with simple things like walking, talking, sitting, coffee, Chippy and eating. Not to mention, smoking as well. But cut that idea that P.I. taught me how to smoke. I learned that all by myself. It was such an exhausting day indeed. Thanks to morning breakfast courtesy of J.C. and that funny-funny-funny Private Benjamin movie with you guys. Our wallets are running out of coins and paper bills but our hearts are filled with happiness. Work hard guys but don’t you ever forget to pamper yourselves—once in a while, HAVE A BREAK. Take that WORKAHOLIC!

Eight-Nine: My hearts a stereo,

It beats for you so listen close,

Hear my thoughts in every note,

*Happy birthday Enz! Kampai! I thought meeting some long-time-no-see friends will bring some dramatic scenes but it turned out an epic fail. Joey ako ng Joey si Jason pala ang kausap ko. It was such an awkward moment when I began telling him some of our Highschool stories then someone interrupts in the middle of the conversation for I kept calling him Joey when in fact the guy in front of me is Jason. My bad. Hindi pa ako nakaka-inom niyan! Take that ALCOHOLIC!

Eleven-Twelve:  The sky was gold, it was rose

I was taking sips of it through my nose

And I wish I could get back there

*T.G.I.F. for me and my workmates. It’s time to chill after such a bunch of workloads. Another thanks for P.I.’s presence. It seems that, nowadays, I am looking forward for weekends with P.I. I don’t know exactly how our closeness started. She’s younger than me, but most of the times with regards to life-talks’ she seems to be older than me—a mature one. Ikaw na teh! And as I expected she managed to get along with my workmates. Strangers to friends. Cheers to that! We spent the whole dawn at a certain public-drinking-session place that seems to be singing Closing Time despite our presence and we are not yet in the mood to bid byes. But we are not that insensitive though were bit numb because of the alcohol in our body. Tao rin naman sila, napapagod. Hindi sila 24 hours.  So, we extended our banters at the nearby 24 hours Mcdonalds and end it with a cup of coffee. Take that CHICKEN INASAL!

Thirteen:  May your tears come from laughing, you find friends worth having

As every year passes, they mean more than gold

May you win and stay humble, smile more than grumble

And know when you stumble, you’re never alone

*I love my mother. I love my father. I love my only sister. I love my brothers though sometimes I love Kuya Buboy than Kuya Jojo for the latter one always teases me whenever he got a chance. I love my sisters-in-law. And I love all my nieces and nephews. I so love my family. Whenever I feel sad I recall what my mama said: “Ang panget mo dude, kaya wag ka ng sisimangot pa okay?” Sorry for my shortcomings dudes. Hahaha. Take that ALING DIONISIA!

Fifteen: When you’re happy like a fool, let it take you over

When everything is out you gotta take it in

Oh, this has gotta be the good life

*Frappe Coffee. Then another coffee, hot one for the second round. Coffee, coffee, coffee…Hindi naligo si P.I. from work to coffee shop then work place again. Yuck. And I know CPT took almost 3 kinds of coffee today. Thanks for the TIME guys and good luck to you CPT. ‘til next time, we’ll be having more coffee! Take that SOFTDRINKS!

Seventeen: Walking like a one man army

Fighting the shadows in your head

Living out the same old moment

Knowing you’d be better off instead

*Merry Christmas!!! Take that BONIFACIO DAY!

Nineteen: So shine the light on all of your friends

When it all amounts to nothing in the end.

I won’t worry my life away…

*Happy birthday Arvyn, my classmate, my forever friend! But you celebrated your special day at work. That’s life dude. Parte ng pagtanda. Getting a life today, I went at my senior’s birthday celebration. I had a blast! Nalasing ako, I admit. But thanks to my Ates and Kuyas who take good care of me while I’m frenzied. The best ang birthday mo Kuya Atong. Take that KUYA GERMS!

Twenty: Tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan

Tan-ta-na-na-na-na-nan Tan-tan-tan-tan-tan-tan

*Over a cup of coffee a workmate confessed his problems, his personal life to me. I honestly feel honored for the trust he has given me. I really don’t know what to say to him. I was out of any soothing words or even fucking words. I want to say something, I have to say something…but I end up in silence. I looked up him straight in his teary-eyed and prayed that no tears would fall. Fortunately, he managed not to cry. And before he go home today, he tap me at my shoulders, smiling, he said he’s fine and “salamat ng marami sa pakikinig.” I can feel the sincerity in his words. Perhaps, this very time I am typing this words he’s already home. You may not hear me anymore or be able to read this post but I still want to say the words that did not came out from my lips earlier: No matter what, and I know it’s never easy, but we have to make it okay. Take that EMO!

(I just want to make a record of the above dates in the month of November. It’s worth to mark of those days, the events and those people.)

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When HELL Talks

Hell is other people. –Jean-Paul Sartre

And before my hands completely close the book, a voice has broken the silence:

Hell1: Hey hell! how are you?

Hell2: Well, I think, am fine. How about you?

Hell1: I’m surprised that hell cares about me, and it’s very visible as of the moment.

Hell2: Yeah, even hell cares. What the hell!?

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